Hey savvy gals!
I really missed blogging in January *silently sobs* but, I was working really hard to make February the best month on my blog so far! I obviously really needed to get my stuff together.
Wait, that’s never happened in my entire life, I’m asking too much of myself.
Hi, I’m Gayle, I’m a lazy lazy girl in a busy busy world, and that is me in a nutshell. Nice to meet you!
As good as I am at being lazy, and procrastinating (which I’m bomb at btw, hence the reason I’m not a regular or popular blogger), I’m also really good at comparing myself to other girls and becoming jealous of their beauty, their personality, their social skills, etc.
Now days, the world has a certain way it wants you to act, look, teach, speak, and on and on. And when you see a girl who falls into line with the worlds definition of beauty, and you don’t, you can get a bit envious. Not only because she’s prettier than you, but because she fits in, while you’re left standing on the side-lines. Everyone tells her she’s beautiful when you only get told that when you say you’re not, and while you feel the need to impress everybody, it doesn’t do much good either way.
I’m better than I used to be about loving myself and not worrying about what I look like. That being said, it’s still a work in progress, and it’s a slow one that takes time, dedication and patience. So, I still from time to time go through spells where I hate dislike myself and wished I looked like her and wished I was her and blah blah blah. Basically, clinging to all the awful self-pity that’s swirling up inside of me.
But here’s the thing. Are you listening?
I finally realized, I am so young, and I’m wasting away these years seeking the world’s approval, knowing full-well I’m never going to get it. No body is good enough for the world anymore. There will always be drama and conflict no matter which route you take.
World: be yourself.
World: not like that.
Self-acceptance is the most beautiful thing, it’s absolutely amazing. The peace that fills you and calms all of your anxiety, is so worth it. I spent years comparing myself, doubting myself and wishing I could change.
But then I finally understood,
I’m exactly who I’m supposed to be. My flaws make me me, they’re the beauty of what makes me unique, and I can mold them to push me toward whatever I want to achieve in life. We spend our days wishing we could leave our imperfections way behind us, when in reality, our imperfections are what can move us forward. They’re our biggest asset. They push us to be the best we can be – if you let them, they become your strength rather than your weakness.
My anxiety, my self-esteem, my lack of self-love? Look where it all brought me. Right here, with you! It pushed me to encourage others to accept themselves because I know how much it hurts – and along the way, it pushed me to accept myself too.
Everyday that I choose to love myself, to embrace my humanity, is another day I succeed. It’s another day I smile at myself in the mirror and say – you know what? I don’t really care what anybody thinks about me. There is no other person on this earth like me, I am special, and I’m going to live without a second thought of it!
I put my foot down on trying to live up to the worlds expectations, it’s impossible, sis. I still cry, I’m still not happy every single moment, and I’m still a work in progress. But I have accepted that it’s okay to just be me. And believe me, it did something magical.
I don’t know how to be anything other than intense. I don’t know how to experience without thinking too much and feeling too much. I don’t know how to sit still and quiet my mind and just be. I am always searching, always questioning, always trying to find the meaning in everything. I am passionate and I am deep, and even if I am misunderstood, I am finally okay with that.
It was a long, really bumpy and completely exasperating road to get here. I get mad sometimes for allowing myself to sink into those sticky feelings for so long. I didn’t realize how long I had been holding my breath until I finally sucked in the fresh air and starting living.
And of all the millions of dreams I have for life, my biggest one, is that you’ll learn to love yourself too.
With love, always